That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
