yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
