never play flip cup with pint glasses
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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