So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
