the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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