ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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