But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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