airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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