I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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