i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
