I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
