i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
