Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
