The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
