my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
