Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
