You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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