My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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