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During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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