Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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