best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
