he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
