Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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