Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
