In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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