we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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