As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
