I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
