MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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