matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
