I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
