just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
