i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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