So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
