You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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