I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
