Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
