So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry about my life...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
