At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
