His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.