he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
