I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
