So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
