I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your penis caused this!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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