Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
