come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
