At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
