Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
