I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
