I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize