Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
