He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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