So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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