I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
