My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
