so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The uberlube is also flammable
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
