This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
