Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you had me at cake vodka
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
