If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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