He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
